So…I absolutely, posatutely, HATE taking pictures. Well, let me say change that. I hate taking FULL BODY pictures. It’s not that I think I’m ugly or anything like that, I just don’t like to see the pictures! Other people can have them, but I’m okay if I don’t know what I look like. I’m a Virgo. Virgos will criticize themselves to death! I can see every flaw down to the hair standing up on my head. (You see it too now, right?). Anyway, I’ll take face shots all day because I know I’m gorgeous.
So, I’ll say…I am not happy with my body. What woman is? We all have those image issues. It’s not something that is just of big women. I’ve recently connected with so many new people. One thing I’ve learned is that EVERYONE has something about themselves that they don’t like. Someone thinks her hair is too short. Someone else thinks hers is too long. Someone thinks their size 8 is too big, and someone else thinks their size 2 is too small.
Recently, I cut my hair. I had been growing it for two years. Let me say this, I’ve been natural since 2003. I had brain surgery and was afraid to get a relaxer when the scar on the back of my head was healing. I thought that maybe I should just cut it off and I did. For years, I was back and forth with my hair. I’d cut it, grow it, get it braided, fro it….then ultimately, cut it again. I prefer my hair very short or very long. All that in between stuff is for the birds!
When we moved to a new city with no family and no friends nearby, my daughter BEGGED me not to cut my hair. She said, “Mom, please. I’d rather you come to school naked than cut your hair.” I did not understand why it was such a big deal, but I obliged. After all, I could not find a barber so, I figured, why not. Let’s see what happens. So, for two years, I did not cut my hair. I dyed it once, had it braided but did not cut it. I had always dreamed of having this cute afro puff that I could wear. Well, I got to my afro puff and realized, that I was doing absolutely NOTHING with my hair. It was sitting on top of my head in a puff, daily! I would see all of these cute styles posted on my Facebook page and on YouTube videos but didn’t want to do them or didn’t care if I did them. That’s when I realized I was not fascinated by my hair. People would ask, “What’s your goal length?” I did not care. I just was letting it grow because my daughter asked me to.
When I look at pictures from the past 2 years, I look so uncomfortable. While I liked my curly hair, I never felt like it was me. So, March 20th, first day of spring, I followed the urge I’d fought for 2 years and found a barber that was given to me by someone I trusted….I walked in, told him what I wanted and voila! Short do! Of course, it was drastic and everyone (and I do mean everyone) did a double take and went, “OH MY GOSH YOU CUT YOUR HAIR!” That was usually followed by, “it looks good though” or “it’s totally you” or my favorite, “you have the head for it.” Just last night, a lady told me that when I first cut my hair, she was mad. (Um…my head)…ANYWAY…but then she said, she saw me and said, “well she’s still pretty”…(really dude?) -_- But last night, I realized, I wasn’t seeking validation from others which is usually so me. I was always trying to be the me everyone else wanted me to be and I didn’t like her very much.
The point is, be happy with who you are. If there’s something about you that you don’t like, change it if you can. It does not matter what anyone else thinks. It’s all about what you are going to be happy with. My biggest dislike about that picture up there? Yeah, I’m not happy with my thighs! They’re huge! So…what am I going to do about them? CHANGE ‘EM! Walking is my drug of choice for now. I’ll keep pushing and pushing…but I still don’t like pictures!
So, the next time someone jumps in your face with a camera, stand there, and listen for the “1, 2, 3” then fall on the floor! They will be too concerned with whether or not you’re okay to be trying to continue to take a photo!
Until next time,