So…Ain’t nobody got time for that!

So…Ain’t nobody got time for that!

So…I thought I’d have my last visit with Dr. Her last week.  I went in and this LMNOP got on my nerves YET again.  We can’t have a civil discussion.  It’s always a battle of wits with her.  In the infamous words of Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”  At any rate, she gave me some news that I was not exactly ready to deal with but I had to pry it out of her.  Crazy lady.

Often times when I read weight loss stories, whether in magazines or online, people always have that “defining moment”.  The moment that they knew it was time to make a change.  I thought I’d reached that moment several times in the past.  Considering I’ve never had any lasting significant weight loss, I figured I must not have had that moment, until last Wednesday.  May 22, 2013.  Sitting in the office with Dr. Her, she’s going over my labs from the week before when I’d come in for my annual physical.  She’s mumbling to herself, “your, cbc is normal, iron’s a little low, metabolic panel is normal, you’ve got diabetes.  Yep, everything looks the same.”  Mind you, she wasn’t talking to me, but to the computer where she was reading the results.  I said, “I’m sorry, what?  You said I have diabetes.  I don’t.”  She said, “You do.  It says so right here.”  She proceeds to read me the lab report and explain the numbers (poorly I might add).  It never occurred to her that it was my first time hearing that information.

So I sat in disbelief unable to form words simply staring at her.  Believe it or not, the look on her face was one of satisfaction.  Like she finally shut me up.  Yeah, I seriously wanted to choke her.  She said, “I could send you to counseling if you want that.  But you’ll probably come back here knowing more about it than I do.”  Yeah.  This was my last visit with her.  My insurance company is sending me information on other in-network physicians in my area.  The best thing THIS practice could do for me is to allow me to access my records, labs and everything online.  This way, I don’t have to worry about them sending my records over.  I can just download them and give them to the new physician.

So…new chapter.  I walked Wednesday night, more determined than ever to get it right.  I went through my cabinets in frustration trying to figure out what to keep and what to get rid of.  I spent the rest of that day in a daze, unable to fully digest her words.  I had plenty of research to do but no clue where to start.  There is just so much information.  So, thankfully, I have good insurance! The company is helping me get the information from who I need to get it from in the right order in the right pieces so that I can understand and adjust.

You’re probably wondering why I’m sharing something so personal.  There are a few reasons.  In my first post, I wrote that though I’m overweight, I have no obesity related diseases…well..that’s out the window!  So here’s retracting THAT statement.  I also wanted to say it because it would come out eventually.  When I’m sharing my extreme weight loss story in First or Woman’s World or Good Housekeeping or on Oprah or The Today Show, I’d have to say it anyway.  It’s also a way for me to deal with the new diagnosis.

A few years ago, I learned a valuable lesson about life and death in the tongue.  Proverbs 18:21 is clear.  I learned that we should only speak those things that we want to give life to.  There are so many things we say that define where we are going.  So, I figured if I didn’t say I had diabetes, it wouldn’t be true.  Okay…yeah…no…not the correct application.  Not saying it after the fact is not refraining from giving it life.  It is simply denial.  I’ve been in denial far too long.

I’ve always hated being forced into a corner.  When I was in high school and college, we had so much required reading.  It sincerely cramped my style!  While I loved to read, I wanted to read what I wanted to read.  The Scarlet Letter was not it!  I wanted to be reading something else by Toni Morrison or John Saul!  I hate when I HAVE to learn to sing a song a certain way.  I already know the song.  I like to sing it the way I sing it!  Just because it’s written a certain way, doesn’t mean I have to sing it that way.

Now, I feel like I’ve been forced into a corner with my health.  “Stuff just got real.”  But, I will not be discouraged.  A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.  On Saturday when I left for my walk, the girl was in the living room shouting, “Go mom!  GO!  You’ve got this!  YAY MOM!”  It warmed my heart.  That little voice urged me to push myself and double my walking time that morning.  So…here’s to getting it right!

So…the next time you’re offering a fat girl a piece of cake and she says no, and you say, “aww, come on!  It’s just a piece of cake.  You know you want it…”, don’t be surprised if she takes that same cake and smashes it in your face…just sayin’.  She did say no.

Until next time,

Hakuna Matata

So…You Want to Write a Novel?

For years, people have told me what I should do, what I’d be great at and why I should do it.  I’ve always listened…sometimes, it took me years like when I ran from the career I was chosen to do (which, consequently, I’m not currently doing).  It is always hilarious when I hear stuff like that.

One of the things people always said to me when I tell stories or something was, “You should write a book.”  Honestly, it was never something I thought I COULD do, but I just wrote short stories here and there.  I was always in school so, I didn’t like to write because I always HAD to write.  Actually, my best friend and I started writing a Novel when she was 16 and I was 17…yeah…hmm…maybe after I get Benjamin and Fontana’s story out we’ll revisit that one!

Like I shared before, in November, I finally bit the bullet and took up a challenge called NaNoWriMo and wrote a complete manuscript in 30 days.  It’s shorter than novel length, well, it was, but I’m seriously working to get these edits done.  N E WAY…(we used to write it that way in high school…seems silly now…) So anyway, I came across a graphic today that I wanted to share…it’s perfect!  It tells where I am!  I’m somewhere between 3 and 4 in the writing process.  Looking forward to the other emotions that come with publishing! LOL…My favorite part is the marketing….”The marketing of your book is left completely up to you: an introvert who started writing in the first place to avoid talking to people.”  If that ain’t the gospel truth…

So You Want to Write a Novel

So…when you see that book with my name on the by line…remember the funny girl from the So Says Kimyatta blog…BUY SOME!

Until next time,

Hakuna Matata

So…Janet Jackson’s Principles For A Perfect Workout

So…I get this email from Blackdoctor.org like all the time. I NEVER OPEN IT! Um…’scuse me! Kimyatta?! WHY DID YOU SUBSCRIBE IF YOU WEREN’T GONNA READ! I suppose for such a time as this…

I love Janet Jackson! That chick can move! I get tired just watching her…*sigh*…ANYWAY…from this article I am most interested in the part about varying the workouts. One of the things I remember most when I was on a role losing weight is the variety of the workouts. We RARELY did the same thing twice in a week. I remember one time, the whole workout was 10 jumping jacks, 10 squats, and 10 pushups. REPEAT! WE did that for like AN HOUR! (no exaggeration…). That was a day I sincerely wanted to quit.

So..here’s where I am now…I haven’t figured out how to VARY my workouts. I’m kinda limited to walking right now. I walk around my apartment complex or the dance studio parking lot…but that’s about as much variety as I get. I could go to the park, but yeah, I want to do something OTHER than walking. SO…I’ll have to keep searching..until I find something that will be different and doable! Enjoy this article.

Until next time,

Hakuna Matata

So…Keleigh Crigler Hadley!

So…Keleigh Crigler Hadley!

Today on So Says Kimyatta, you have the opportunity to get to know an author
(my favorite kind of celebrity).  She happens to be one of the contributing authors for The Motherhood Diaries but she also has other books we’d like to tell you about.  Introducing Mrs. Keleigh (pronounced like Kelly) Crigler Hadley!!!!

SSK:  Thank you Keleigh for agreeing to be interviewed on So Says Kimyatta!  You’re the first author I’ll interview so please forgive me if I’m a little green around the gills!  It’s so great to have connected with you. 

KCG:  Hello Kimyatta, thank you for having me. I feel so honored to be the first!

SSK:  You are one of the contributing authors of The Motherhood Diaries.  Tell us a little bit about your chapter.

KCG:  My chapter is entitled, The Diary of a Wimpy Mom. It’s about my experience of having a stillbirth when I was 35 weeks. I was about 12 days away from my due date. I’d had three great baby showers and had already set up the nursery. It was a difficult year for me and my family. We grieved but time healed my wounds as it promises.

Six years later, I was blessed with the birth of my son, Malcolm. Initially, I was overjoyed but quickly I was robbed of my joy. The reality that babies can die hit me and I became rather obsessed with his safety. I was a breastfeeding Nazi, terrified of SIDS and autism, and I worried day and night. One day, God freed me the cycle of worry, despair and doubt and showed me that worry was consuming me and ruining my motherhood experience. I made the decision to trust Him day by day and let all that worry go. (Well, most of it.) Two years ago, I was blessed again with my McKenna Drew and I am thoroughly enjoying her and leaving everything else up to God.

SSK:  Wow.  That’s amazing.  I honestly can’t put words to how I THINK that might have been.  You have indeed survived.  What made you decide to submit for The Motherhood Diaries?

KCG:  I don’t know. Reshonda asked for submissions and since I have always loved her books and Facebook posts, I just thought, “Why the heck not?” Never, ever thought it would turn out to be such a blessed experience.

SSK:  It has indeed been a great experience.  The bond we have as sister writers is unbelievable.   Now, before MD, you were already a writer.  Have you always wanted to write?  Was there any one defining moment that made you want to write?  

KCG:  I have not always wanted to write. I devour books on a daily basis. I am a serious reader.  It is practically a part of my diet. But writing wasn’t even a thought. I wrote my first book, Preacher’s Kids when my son Malcolm was a few weeks old. A friend of mine had self-published a book and I thought, “Why the heck not?” (That seems to be a recurring thought of mine.) Turns out, I’m not a horrible writer. I got great feedback from book clubs and major reviewers. I even got picked up by a small publisher. Although I cringe when I read my first book because I have come a long way since then. I take this craft very seriously and work hard at it every day.

 SSK:  You wrote a Young Adult series.  Tell us about that.

KCG:  My YA series is called Preacher’s Kids. Book one is Secrets and SalvationBook two is Wicked and Wise.  I happen to be a PK.  Yes, I was one of those bad-butt kids.  My main character’s name is Mia and she is a socially awkward teenager. She’s clumsy and no one gets her dry sense of humor except her wild-child, bohemian best friend, Brooklyn. Mia’s twin sister Morgan is the darling of the family. She excels at school and at church but she has secret demons to deal with as well.

I decided to write about subjects that I don’t hear talked about enough at church where kids can get a sound biblical perspective not the Youtube version.  I write about issues like; suicide, homosexuality, bullying, witchcraft, etc. because  these are things that our kids are dealing with every day.  I provide a guide at the back of each book to encourage parents to engage with their kids about these issues so they are steered in the right direction. There are only two books so far, but I plan to return to my PK’s as soon as I can.

SSK:  I love the idea of providing a guide at the back.  That is awesome.  I like that it’s not the “reader’s discussion questions” but a guide to help deal with some of the issues.

SSK:  How difficult was it for you to switch from YA to Adult fiction?

KCG:  Not too difficult. I pride myself on writing edgy but clean, Christian fiction. I want my grandmother to be able to proudly show off my work and my kids to be proud of me too. It was just a matter of using less pop culture references and more character development.

SSK:  Now….Revenge, Inc.  Tell us about it.  What put this idea in your head? The idea started with one of the last scenes in the book. I won’t give it away but, I just had a vision of a desperate, mental power struggle. From that thought, the whole book came about.

KCG:  I wanted to put together an unlikely group of friends.  A stripper, a banker, a cheerleader and an angry teenager.  Pretty different right?  Then I thought, what could they possibly have in common?  Where do people come together from divergent walks of life?  Church?  Work?  The Club?  Nope.  AA.  Alcoholics Anonymous.  I did a TON of research on the organization and almost went to a meeting but I felt that might be exploitive. But I did find out that when people have hit rock bottom, AA is a resource that can get them sober again. So I had to take my characters and make them hit the bottom. I threw everything I could think of at them to make them desperate enough to lose themselves in alcohol.  Then I took alcohol away and replaced that addiction with the lust for revenge.  They became revengeaholics.

SSK:  Well, I can certainly tell you did your research!  I really felt like I could have been IN an AA meeting sometimes.  I like the way Eugene facilitated.  Have you ever wanted to serve up a dish of revenge?

KCG:  Heck yes!  Wanted and served many times.  Nothing as elaborate as the plans they created in the book but I’ve done my share of dirt.  And that was what convicted me so much as I wrote this book because I discovered that when God says that “vengeance is mine.”  He wasn’t playing!  It’s His, because he owns it.  If we take it on, then we are stealing something from God.  That’s not cool on any level.  And revenge it not just keying some hoochie’s car that flirted with your man.  It’s the little stuff like the “silent treatment”, or harboring a grudge, or cursing out a stranger in your mind because they cut you off on the freeway.

Needless to say, I’ve done a LOT of praying since writing this book because I needed to get my own house in order.

SSK:  Umm…OUCH.  I’ve always thought of revenge as “the big stuff.”  I never considered the, “Alright..you don’t want to talk to me?  I got something for ya.” moments.  Now I think I need to get MY house in order.  

SSK:   So, what kinds of things do you like to read? 

KCG:  Let’s see.  I named my son Malcolm because the Autobiography of Malcolm X changed my life.  So did, The Red Tent, The Purpose Driven Life, Memoirs of a Geisha, Harry Potter (all of them), and Grown Folks Business, and the Chronicles of Narnia.

SSK:  Quite a diverse bunch!  Do you have a favorite book?  A favorite author?

KCG:  I don’t have a favorite book. That would be like having a favorite child, but my favorite author is C.S. Lewis.

SSK:  YES!  My sentiments exactly!  I swear we’re some kin!

SSK:  What was the last book you read?

KCG:  Right before I started this interview, I began reading Never Say Never by Victoria Christopher Murray. She is one of my writing sheroes. I try to mimic her style of infusing faith and fiction.

SSK:  Do you have any advice for aspiring writers?

KCG:  I’ll tell you what other authors have told me. Invest in your craft. Study it. Keep learning tools and techniques. Follow the rules and then when you have them down, you can break them.

SSK:  What can we expect next from you?

KCG:  Next up is a trilogy.  The 101 series.  I’m soooooo in love with the characters.  I really love the second book, but I have to write the first one, in order to deal with the stuff in the second.  I’ve always been fascinated with the biblical story of Paul.  How he started off as the Christian bounty hunter Saul, a really despicable guy and then Jesus transformed him into Apostle Paul, church leader.  I want to take someone who is despised in our society and make her a new creature.  I’m still in the storyboard stage and have only written the first chapter outlines, but the entire story is in my head.

SSK:  How can fans get in touch with you?

KCG:  I love connecting on Facebook or directly at keleigh.hadley.pk@gmail.com. Thank you again for this interview and I can’t wait to read YOUR book!!!

SSK:  Thank you so much for agreeing to do it!  (now you’re trying to make me blush!) 

Be sure to check out Keleigh’s work available where books are sold!

Until next time,

Hakuna Matata

So…let’s talk about sex

So…let’s talk about sex

So…once I fell in love with reading when I was eight years old, I’ve always been curious. Words were like candy to me and I relished in learning new ones. Now, because I have an equal love of music and get excited when I understand or even better am GIVEN the lyrics to a song, I’m super excited. I like to sing along to the songs I like because it makes me feel good. Alright…GREAT!

Well, just before the beginning of my new love for words, Prince released his infamous Purple Rain album. To my delight, the album sheath contained the lyrics to every song on the album! I would listen to it every time I was able to when I was at my granny’s house. One day, as I listened, I came across a word I didn’t know. I mean, I could say it, and I read it and I heard it in the song, though I couldn’t figure out what it meant.

The song was Darling Nikki. When I came to the word, I figured, I better ask someone what it meant. So, I walked happily into the kitchen where my grandmother was cooking something. Eight year old Kimyatta started the following conversation:

Me: Granny, what is masturbating?

Granny: WHAT? <choking as she was tasting something from the pot>

Me: What is masturbating?

Granny: WHERE YOU HEAR THAT NASTY WORD?

Me: It’s nasty?

Granny: Where did you hear that?

Me: It’s right here on the words for Darling Nikki by Prince. <I pointed to it on the lyric sheet I held.>

She snatched it from me and I pointed to where it was on the sheet.

Granny: TURN THAT OFF!

I was confused. Why couldn’t she tell me what it meant? I had no clue what the word ACTUALLY meant until I hit sex ed three years later in fifth grade. Oh…(though I did wonder how Nikki was doing it with a magazine.)

Fast forward…twenty five years. My dear darling daughter and I walking out the door one morning for school. The girl, eight years old starts the following conversation:

The Girl: Mom, what’s a vibrator?

So, here, I was trying not to fall out the door as I had just stepped over the threshold.

Me: Um…it’s a something that vibrates. (Hey..I’m progressive, I can’t keep everything from her forever, right?)

She got silent and mulled over my answer in her head.

The Girl: Why would people put it in their pants?

Whaaaaaaa???

Me: Um…where did you hear that?

She wasn’t very forthcoming with her answer. It took the whole ride to school to get it out of her. She had overheard a conversation of two older girls two nights earlier who still were not old enough to be having a conversation about “those things”. I had a conversation with the parents of the other girls who were twelve and we got to the bottom of it. Apparently the cousin of one of Girl A found a vibrator in the house and was running around with it in his pants scaring the girls. So, Girl A was sharing the story with Girl B and my daughter was listening. When she asked them what it was, they said, “go ask your mama”. Well, they didn’t know the girl very well to know that she was going to ask.

Okay, so a year passed by. Age 9 rolls in and I knew eventually I’d have to start having “the talk” with her. After the conversation the previous year, I got a few books on girl’s health and the like and she had read them. So, I figured questions would arrive eventually. One morning, on the way to school, while I was driving she started this conversation:

The Girl: Mom, I understand how G-mama is your mom. She gave birth to you. But how is PaPa your dad?

Me: He helped.

I had managed to keep from swerving the car off the road. That answer seemed to satisfy her. I kept hearing this small voice in my ear saying it was time to really have the talk. I couldn’t bear to do it though and I ignored it.

Two days later, we had the same conversation, though with different characters:

The Girl: Mom, I understand how you’re my mom. You gave birth to me. But how is my dad my dad?

So, here, I figured the same answer would work. So, I answered it the same way.

Me: He helped.

The Girl: Yeah, but how? I mean, how did he help.

Me: He gave me half your DNA.

The Girl: Yes mom, but how?

She was NOT giving up. So, I told her. The ugly gory truth. A look of confusion washed over her face.

The Girl: But you and my dad didn’t do THAT.

I looked at her hard and long and nodded.

The Girl: Oh God…I think I just threw up in my mouth.

Only my kid…so dramatic.

All of this came to mind the other day when I was eating a sandwich and I made a face that I’d seen her make while eating and I began to wonder what other ways we were alike. Now, she’s much more outgoing than I ever was or ever will be. I absolutely love that about her. I think about me at her age and I never would have had the nerve to ask much of the stuff she asks me. She is not embarrassed by anything. I can only wish on her that she will have a WONDERFUL conversation with her 8 year old…in 30 years or so…lol.

Motherhood is the best job ever…

Until next time,

Hakuna Matata

So…a Liebster award?

So…a Liebster award?

So…one day, I received a pingback which I mistakenly thought was a comment on a post.  When I finally looked at the message, I realized it was a link to another blog.  Candidkay, a blog about life’s journey…”bumps and all” she says.

The Liebster award is an award for a newer blog with under 200 dedicated followers.  In order to accept this award, I need to post 11 random facts about me, answer the 11 questions posed by my nominator, nominate 11 other blogs, and ask the nominees 11 questions of my own.

So…my 11 random facts:

1.  My favorite song right now Just Give Me a Reason by Pink and Nate Ruess.  I HAVE to sing it EVERY time it is on.

2.  I can’t stand to fold laundry.  It’s like cruel and unusual punishment.

3.  Most books I read, I really, REALLY like.  If I finish it, I really enjoyed the story.  If I don’t like it, I usually don’t finish it.

4.  I know The Lion King, The Color Purple and Steel Magnolias from start to finish.  Word for word.

5.  While I really enjoy the show Scandal, it really burns me up that it has to be an affair!  UGH!  Guess it wouldn’t be a scandal though…

6.  While I don’t date, I do notice men.  I have a celebrity crush…Djimon Housou.  Incredible…incredible.

7.  As much as I like to read, I don’t have a favorite book.  There are just too many to choose from.

8.  I really want to go to Italy, but I am afraid to fly!

9.  I have an innate ability to feel what other people are feeling to the point where it stresses me out because I can tell what I really feel and what I am feeling on behalf of others.  If it was a magical being, I’d be called an empath. (it’s a thing!)

10.  It really bugs me when parents make it seem like the school is supposed to be 100% responsible for everything that happens to a student during a school day.   Yes, there are certain things the school is responsible for, but some things that happen at school could have just as easily happened while the child was at home.  It’s unfortunate, but it’s the truth.

11.  All of these news celebrities irk me.  I don’t mean the anchors and personalities on the news.  I mean the ones who were interviewed after something happened and agreed to be interviewed for the news.   I know that people who are interviewed on the news when something happens are not always prepared to be interviewed.  It is alright to say no when the news person asks you to talk.  I am also irritated when folks say stuff like, “I’mma call channel 2” when something doesn’t go their way.  CALL ‘EM!

Here are the 11 questions asked of me:

What is your favorite journey?

Well, this journey I’m on is the only one I know.  I guess what I like most is the being a mom part.  It is hard, crazy, aggravating and not the cleanest job, but it’s one I love.  I never planned it, but I’m glad I chose it.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Without a shadow of a doubt, I know I say, “garbage on a stick” more than anything…

What is your most treasured possession?

I honestly don’t have one.  There’s nothing that I would absolutely die without.  I mean, I wouldn’t want to lose my iPad or my computer and I would probably cry if something happened to either one of them.  Maybe that’s saying that those things are my most treasured possession.  *shrug*

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

The lowest depth of misery is knowing the change that needs to happen, knowing how to make the change but lacking the ability or drive to follow through.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say as you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Well, I’m a country girl and the only answer to this question for me is that I’d want God to say, “Servant well done.” (well aside from pointing out that Heaven DOES exist).  As long as He says, “Come in”..I’m good…

What is your favorite virtue?

I’d have to say empathy.  While it scares me that I can feel what other people feel when they are sincerely overwhelmed with emotion, I know that there is someway to use that to help people which is all I really want to do.

What is your favorite motto or saying?

Hakuna Matata.  It means no worries! (At least, that’s what Timon and Pumbaa said.)

What is your pet peeve?

I have lots of these!  HA!  One that really really makes me want to slap someone is when promises are made that aren’t kept.  If you are going to do something for me, just do it, don’t make a grand play of telling me you’re going to do something, then when the time comes, expect me to ASK you to do what YOU said you’re going to do.

What is your most irrational fear?

My most irrational fear…hmm…tough one.  Is it the one where I’m fearful of bugs, worms and creepy crawly things?  Or is it the one where I’m afraid of not having enough?  Hard to say.  I’m working on both.

On a typical Friday evening, we’ll find you . . . where and doing what?

On a typical Friday, I can be found sitting on my sofa with a book in my face.  I’m either writing it or reading it.

Who inspires you?

The girl inspires me.  She is really a go getter.  She sets her mind to something, goes for it and if it doesn’t work, she kinda shrugs it off and tries something else.

Now, for the blogs I nominate:

Book Referees – This is one I check frequently.  It’s like one stop shopping.  There are book reviews, book discussions, and new releases are listed.  Right now, there’s May Madness going on!

Books, Writing and Life – Daphine Glenn Robinson is an author, playwright, mom, and an all out funny gal!  I read hers frequently too.  Some posts I visit repeatedly.  She gives tips to aspiring writers, encouragement to us on life’s journey and sometimes, she drops a funny on ya.

The Reading Life With Yolanda – Well…it’s simple…Yolanda’s reading life.  These are book reviews and other tidbits.

I Am a Voice – Live It!  Feel It!  Write It!  – The writer explores the many voices of extraordinary people as she shares on her page.

A Single Girl’s View From the Giant Peach – An author, D.L. Sparks that I like tells it like it is about being single in the big peach.

My Side of the Single Life – Blog for single women who want to read, discuss and laugh about the circumstances that occur while waiting for Mr. Righteous to make his entrance.

Success Along the Weigh – The weight loss journey of a woman and her husband.  She’s lost almost 200 pounds.  I can’t remember his weight loss, but they are doing it together.  Awesome!

Check out my fellow bloggers when you get a chance.  You’ll enjoy these.  I promise!

Until next time,

Hakuna Matata

So…I’m annoyed when…

So…I’m annoyed when…

So, taking a note from one of my favorite blogs Books, Writing and Life by Daphine Robinson, I’m going to tell you some things that really, REALLY annoy me.  These are things I have observed in my years.  I work in a call center and there are some things that people do when calling a call center that irk the dickens out of me.  This idea came to me from Daphine’s two posts  A Few Things That Irritate Me Part 1 and A Few Things That Irritate Me Part 2.

Anyway, all day, when I’m on the phone, I am verbally assaulted by folks who are understandably (well, sometimes) upset.  But come on, chances are, the person on the phone is NOT who needs to have all the frustrations unloaded on them.  Sometimes, when something goes wrong, it is the fault of the agency.  Other times, it is the fault ENTIRELY of the customer.  Those are the ones who are the most belligerent.   These are the ones who try to talk over me when I am calmly explaining what the next steps are.  These are the ones who make me want to scream and disconnect the call.  Just yesterday, I was called every name from the sun to the moon that was not a word that you want your pastor to hear you say!  Unfortunately, I lost my cool and the um…call was disconnected.

So…I’m annoyed when:

  • I am asked a question, and I say, “I don’t know” and the person repeats the question or rephrases the question (like I’m stupid).  I STILL DON’T KNOW!
  • I am asking a question and you interrupt to answer the question before I get to the end.  Doing this might cause you to lose out on the big prize…(don’t believe me?  Watch Family Feud!)
  • I ask for your social security number…and you say dash as if it is an actual digit of the social.  By the same token, when I’m given a number, I find it simply deplorable to say 1 before giving the area code and phone number.  Irks me to no end.  We know there are dashes and ones!  (though I do find it hilarious that people continually try to send the faxes without putting the 1 in front of the 888…maybe we do need to say the 1).
  • I absolutely, posaTUTELY, HATE when I ask for your name and you spell it!  I did not say, “spell your name.”  I said, “What is your name?”  I realize you think that it is important that I know that you are Brittnie with an I E, but umm..that’s not going to change the way I pronounce it.  I promise, I’m still going to say it the same as Brittnie, Brittany or Brittnee…
  • I ask for your date of birth.  You say, “Three Four Seven Seven.”  What is that?  Your pin number?  A date has a month, day and year.  Months have NAMES!  USE THEM!
  • Please don’t tell me what my computer says.  You don’t know.  I see it.  You can’t.  Chances are, I’m staring out the window and telling you this information based on a memory from far far away.   What I say goes!
  • I am doing the best I can to help you and you get annoyed, interrupt me, talk over me and ignore what I’ve said.  THEN you say, “Well, I am a minister,” or “I’ve WORKED customer service,” or some other irrelevant fact about your current situation.  That has no bearing on what I’m telling you.  As far as you having worked customer service…well..I’m not doing customer service.  I’m being as nice as I possibly can even though you INSIST on yelling, interrupting or whatever else you’re doing to annoy me.  Let’s just say, just as there are ways for a person in my position to behave, there are also ways for a person in the customer position to behave!
  • Along the same lines as above, telling me your current position does not mean you know more than me especially about the job at hand.  “I worked at XYZ company for 8 years.  I know how it goes.”  Umm..no..you don’t.  Chances are XYZ company, while similar to BMK company, is NOT the same.  Also, saying “Well, I’m a RPQ major…”..well..what does that have to do with the tea in China?  Do you also tell your doctor that you once majored in Biology when you’re dissatisfied with her solution?  Doesn’t matter.
  • I hear you umm…handling business…in the bathroom!  UGH!  Just nasty!  At least have the courtesy to mute me!
  • You’ve called me to get a phone number, an address, a website or some other information that needs to be written down.  I say, “The address/phone number/website is…”  You say, “Oh wait! Lemme get something to write with!”  Seriously?  You thought you were going to remember the whole thing?  You had to go look at your social security number to tell it to me.  Really?  Umm..okay..fine…
  • You spout of a series of statements and pause.  Somehow, I’m expected to know the question you want to ask.  I sit waiting for your question while you sit waiting for me to answer what you haven’t asked.  Mi name’s not Madame Cleo mon! Ask the daggum question like a grown up!
  • It’s five oh three.  I am taking your call.  You say, “I know it’s time for you to go, but I just have one more question.”  Five questions and eight minutes later, “Alright, I know y’all already closed, but I just have to ask you one mo’ thang.”

I try to be nice.  I really do.  Sometimes, it takes everything in me not to scream and shout and let it all out!  There are days I want to chunk the computer out the window then I realize that if I did that, I’d have to pay for the computer and the window and I’d likely be out of a job…so…I’ll keep listening to the foolishness on the phone…

Until next time,

Hakuna Matata