So…I thought I’d have my last visit with Dr. Her last week. I went in and this LMNOP got on my nerves YET again. We can’t have a civil discussion. It’s always a battle of wits with her. In the infamous words of Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” At any rate, she gave me some news that I was not exactly ready to deal with but I had to pry it out of her. Crazy lady.
Often times when I read weight loss stories, whether in magazines or online, people always have that “defining moment”. The moment that they knew it was time to make a change. I thought I’d reached that moment several times in the past. Considering I’ve never had any lasting significant weight loss, I figured I must not have had that moment, until last Wednesday. May 22, 2013. Sitting in the office with Dr. Her, she’s going over my labs from the week before when I’d come in for my annual physical. She’s mumbling to herself, “your, cbc is normal, iron’s a little low, metabolic panel is normal, you’ve got diabetes. Yep, everything looks the same.” Mind you, she wasn’t talking to me, but to the computer where she was reading the results. I said, “I’m sorry, what? You said I have diabetes. I don’t.” She said, “You do. It says so right here.” She proceeds to read me the lab report and explain the numbers (poorly I might add). It never occurred to her that it was my first time hearing that information.
So I sat in disbelief unable to form words simply staring at her. Believe it or not, the look on her face was one of satisfaction. Like she finally shut me up. Yeah, I seriously wanted to choke her. She said, “I could send you to counseling if you want that. But you’ll probably come back here knowing more about it than I do.” Yeah. This was my last visit with her. My insurance company is sending me information on other in-network physicians in my area. The best thing THIS practice could do for me is to allow me to access my records, labs and everything online. This way, I don’t have to worry about them sending my records over. I can just download them and give them to the new physician.
So…new chapter. I walked Wednesday night, more determined than ever to get it right. I went through my cabinets in frustration trying to figure out what to keep and what to get rid of. I spent the rest of that day in a daze, unable to fully digest her words. I had plenty of research to do but no clue where to start. There is just so much information. So, thankfully, I have good insurance! The company is helping me get the information from who I need to get it from in the right order in the right pieces so that I can understand and adjust.
You’re probably wondering why I’m sharing something so personal. There are a few reasons. In my first post, I wrote that though I’m overweight, I have no obesity related diseases…well..that’s out the window! So here’s retracting THAT statement. I also wanted to say it because it would come out eventually. When I’m sharing my extreme weight loss story in First or Woman’s World or Good Housekeeping or on Oprah or The Today Show, I’d have to say it anyway. It’s also a way for me to deal with the new diagnosis.
A few years ago, I learned a valuable lesson about life and death in the tongue. Proverbs 18:21 is clear. I learned that we should only speak those things that we want to give life to. There are so many things we say that define where we are going. So, I figured if I didn’t say I had diabetes, it wouldn’t be true. Okay…yeah…no…not the correct application. Not saying it after the fact is not refraining from giving it life. It is simply denial. I’ve been in denial far too long.
I’ve always hated being forced into a corner. When I was in high school and college, we had so much required reading. It sincerely cramped my style! While I loved to read, I wanted to read what I wanted to read. The Scarlet Letter was not it! I wanted to be reading something else by Toni Morrison or John Saul! I hate when I HAVE to learn to sing a song a certain way. I already know the song. I like to sing it the way I sing it! Just because it’s written a certain way, doesn’t mean I have to sing it that way.
Now, I feel like I’ve been forced into a corner with my health. “Stuff just got real.” But, I will not be discouraged. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. On Saturday when I left for my walk, the girl was in the living room shouting, “Go mom! GO! You’ve got this! YAY MOM!” It warmed my heart. That little voice urged me to push myself and double my walking time that morning. So…here’s to getting it right!
So…the next time you’re offering a fat girl a piece of cake and she says no, and you say, “aww, come on! It’s just a piece of cake. You know you want it…”, don’t be surprised if she takes that same cake and smashes it in your face…just sayin’. She did say no.
Until next time,