So…Uninvited – A Poem by Sunflower

So…Uninvited – A Poem by Sunflower

Uninvited

A Poem by Sunflower

Get out.

You’re not welcome.

Don’t come back.

Keep your “I’m sorry”.

Keep your “I need you”.

Keep your “I love you”.

That’s not going to make it better.

I don’t believe you.

Stay where you were.

Eat what she cooked.

Don’t make the recital.

Don’t come to the party.

Forget my phone number.

Forget my address .

Forget my birthday.

Forget our anniversary.

Our expiration date has been reached.

top sunflower

So…I Am – A Poem by Sunflower

I am – A Poem by Sunflower

I am beautiful
I am wonderful
I am creative
I am loving
I am spiritual
I am light
I am soul
I am free
I am everything I need to be
I am mother
I am wife
I am daughter
I am sister
I am friend
I am lover
I am fighter
I am author
I am everyone I need to be
I am pressing on
I am moving on
I am dreaming on
I am running on
I am singing on
I am writing on
I am keeping on
I am seeing on
I am doing everything I need to be
I am fearfully and wonderfully made
I am above and not beneath
I am no longer a slave, but an heir
I am more than a conqueror
I am healed by His stripes
I am justified and redeemed through faith by His grace
I am called according to His purpose
I am planned to prosper, have hope and a future
I am everything He said I should be
top sunflower
So…I Can’t…

So…I Can’t…

So…I feel like I’m going in reverse some days.  All the things I’ve done to improve myself seem to have been for naught.  I look at the scale…it’s going up.  I look at my walking app and I’ve only walked twice in 2014.  My vision board isn’t completed…my visual representation of my one (well two) word(s) isn’t complete.  I’m not eating the way I need to.  My book edits will never be done.  I just keep looking at all of this and thinking…just quit.  What’s the point?  You’ll have to do this for the rest of your life.  Why don’t you just quit??

Well…the fact of the matter is…I can’t…I can not…it’s impossible.  If I give up now…I will be stuck..forever.  I may not be fully aware of God’s purpose for my life…but I know that by working at the pieces that have been revealed to me…then I can eventually get to whatever it is I’m supposed to do.  No one said it was going to be easy.  That’s the beauty of perseverance.  You have to keep on keeping on.  That keeping on today might look like 3 inches, but tomorrow, it might be 16 miles.  My challenge to myself..and everyone is to do the very best you can each and every day.

If you look at yesterday and yesterday is STILL the best you ever did…then you haven’t worked hard enough today..(read that on a meme on Facebook…makes sense to me!)  Yesterday, the girl and I watched an episode of The Big Bang Theory.  Howard has been to space and all of his friends and his wife seem to think that he makes every conversation about him going to space.  While that was something big and important in his life, he is holding on to that one thing.  He isn’t even looking toward other things for his future.  He is also not currently working on anything to make it greater.  Now, I don’t know how exactly an astronaut tops going to space…but my point is, your big thing…shouldn’t be your only big thing…do something better.  Spread that knowledge to others…contribute.

Don’t be stagnant.  If you have a bad day…well…chuck it…If you wake up the next day..then you have another chance to get it right.  The biggest thing?  Don’t give up.  Don’t can’t.

nocant

Remove it from your vocabulary.  If you say you can’t do something…guess what…you’re right.  But do you really want to be?

And guess what??  My scale is going to go up and down..but that doesn’t make my weight loss journey any less significant.  My walking app and I…well..the two times I walked this year were this week.  Before that..I hadn’t walked in 3 weeks…but…I started again!  That’s what’s important.  My vision board…is it ever REALLY complete?  It’s ever evolving.  My one word piece…I’ll get it done…I know my word.  But I do want to have it in my face so that when I have days like this…when I want to quit, I’m reminded to push on.  Eating…well..good news…going to the grocery store tomorrow!  (gotta have the right stuff in the house to eat right…right?)…and my edits…yes…my happy go lucky blankety blank edits…I’m pushing through them…I’m going with the flow…because I know I wrote an awesome story.  I want it to be the best it can be before I make it public…SO…I press on!  What about you??

Until next time,

Hakuna Matata

So…Love Just Isn’t Enough – A Poem by Sunflower

So…Love Just Isn’t Enough – A Poem by Sunflower

Love Just Isn’t Enough

A Poem by Sunflower

When dinner is needed and there’s no more chicken

When the kisses of the kids are the only affection I’m given

When tears on my lips are my only memory

I try to taste your love but it just isn’t enough

When the cabinets are bare because your check didn’t come home.

When the lights need fixing and I can’t reach the box

When the cable is off and the kids want to watch cartoons

I try to see your love but it just isn’t enough

When the cake in the oven has cooked just enough

When the garbage needs to be taken out

When that bottle of Eternity tips over on the dresser

I try to smell your love but it just isn’t enough

When the baby cries and is inconsolable

When the alarm goes off and your side of the bed is empty

When the phone rings and I hear her voice entangled with yours.

I try to hear your love but it just isn’t enough

When the night is cold and I wantyou beside me

When my desire is high and I want you inside me

When my heart aches from the cuts of your lies

I try to touch your love but it just isn’t enough

Sometimes love just isn’t enough

Not enough to bring you home

Not enough to keep me warm

Not enough to…

top sunflower

So…Happy New Year!

So…Happy New Year!

So…have you made your resolutions?  Have you broken them yet?  Lol…I remember for years…I’d become so frustrated with every thing, every January…I’d start afresh.  I figured…a new year would give me a new opportunity to get it right.  What I failed to realize though and didn’t come to understand until MUCH later, was that EACH DAY is a new opportunity to get it right.

I haven’t made New Year’s Resolutions in about 6 years.  The last time I did.  They were things like…”I’m going to procrastinate more this year.” or “I’m going to not make any goals so I won’t fail.”  Yeah..mmm hmm…that was smart.  The one time I kept my resolutions…lol..But not making goals is a guarantee to fail!  Fail at what you ask?  EVERYTHING!  Because you haven’t made your goals, or set up any plans, you can’t accomplish ANYTHING you’re purposed to do!

Anywho….I said all that to say that I don’t make resolutions for the new year.  I try to make the best of each day I’m given.  As such, it makes sense to plan for the day.  I think that doing so gives you a purpose and at the end of the day, a sense of accomplishment.

While I don’t make resolutions, last year my pastor challenged us to focus on one word.  The teachings are Biblical and are based on a book called My One Word by Mike Ashcroft and Rachel Olsen.  On the website, it says to lose the list of resolutions and “do something about one thing this year instead of doing nothing about everything.”  You choose one word that represents what you hope God will do IN you.  That is so important.  So many times we try to do things on this journey on our own and that’s not what God wants of us.  He wants us to come to Him and let His purpose for our lives be realized.  Each day is another opportunity to get it right.  EACH DAY…not just the start of a new year!

Last year, my word was FOCUS.  I posted it on the wall in my bedroom above my work station next to my vision board.  It was accompanied by 7 scriptures.  Now, in this photo, you can’t see the specific photos…but you can see how it was set up.  There, just above my computer.

Focus WallThere, while hating my job, while being in near tears daily, I was able to focus. and understand that it is not all about me!  I changed my view of the world and began to see it from a Biblical perspective.  In addition to that wall, I had people from all sides encouraging me and helping me.  When I heard this word in my spirit as the one for me…I thought it meant that I was going to be more focused and stop being so scatterbrained.  Not quite how it worked.  I stopped looking at my outward changes and focused more in inward changes.  I changed my focus.  Did my situation change?  No.  Not at all.  But the way I felt about it changed.  The way I dealt with it changed.  MY FOCUS CHANGED!  I stopped dreading going to work.  I realized that while I may not feel like that is my purpose, I was there for a purpose.  Once I embraced that, I stressed less.

So for this year…I’ve chosen the word PERSEVERE.  I learned that word in 6th grade.  My English teacher said that it meant to “keep on keeping on”.  It’s stuck with me all this time and that word means so much.  But this year…instead of one word, another has dropped into my spirit alongside persevere.  That word…is DREAM.  I have my scripture references just working on my visual representation.  I don’t know how these words are going to play out, but I am thoroughly excited to see what happens!

So…what would your one word be?  Change your life.  Go to the website.  Get the book.  Learn.  Surrender to God’s will.  See how He can do a work in you.  Are you ready?

Happy New Year!  Here’s wishing you God’s best for your best year ever!

2014 d

Until next time,

Hakuna Matata